Potty Training attempt #2 on hold

It's funny how children teach us lessons. We learn things about ourselves, how we act, react and why. I've always known I was competitive. I always knew that I exhibited many of the first born characteristics and personality traits. I also knew that Audrey would be the child I clashed with the most because we're both first borns and as stubborn as a mule. I didn't understand though how hard it would be for me to sit back and wait for her to do things while other kids her age are meeting and excelling at milestones. Comparing yourself to other moms is hard not to do in our society and it's natural to compare your child to other children--although it often either provides a false sense of accomplishment or false sense of guilt. This will be a lesson I have to continuously remind myself throughout her upbringing. She is her own person, and I am proud of her. Comparing her successes to others is simply unfair to her and to me. And really, it's peeing in the potty. She'll eventually get it. Who really cares when she does!? There are more important things.

Did I push her too early. I don't think so. She was exhibiting the signs way back when she was 18 months old. And she got the concept. She's had a lot of life changes the last year and a half and is just not ready for that responsibility yet.

I'm actually starting to think she may have a physical problem that is limiting her ability to determine when she has to go. She's told me this. Last week (Wed, I believe) she pooped in her panties for the first time in 8 months. The next morning she did it again. I was furious and confused. Why!? Why now. Perhaps she was experimenting? Acting out? After cleaning it off the floor for the second day in a row--I'd had it. This has to be her choice, not mine. I have no desire to chase her to the bathroom 18 times a day and continuously ask her if she has to go. Or constantly clean up messes. That is not potty training the child, it's potty training me.

So, we put her back in diapers. She didn't seem to mind too much. In fact, the diaper gets so wet that she leaks through it without a care in the world. And these are overnight diapers. Super absorbent!

Twice over the weekend she asked for panties. What to do? Let her wear them and make a mess or hold off and make her wear diapers and put a negative connotation on wearing panties. I decided no more panties for now. Once I think she's getting uncomfortable in her diaper, she lets it get so wet she leaks through to her clothes.

And then just this morning in between diapers she manages to pee on the floor. We were getting dressed for the day and I was changing her overnight diaper and she proceeds to pee as she's laying there to get a new diaper--right there on the floor. She realizes this is wrong, stops it, goes to the bathroom to finish but can't get her stool over to the toilet in time and finishes peeing on the floor. Uh.

Seems no matter what I do, panties or diapers I'm cleaning up pee.

I've seriously had it. And i don't know what to do at this point. I told her that the other day, right after I apologized for perhaps making her do something before she was ready. I told her that we weren't going to potty on the potty again until she was ready. She would decide. She was fine with that.

For some reason, even though many of her friends, some younger than her even, have been trained successfully, she isn't ready. I think she's ok with that. I'm still working on it.

Sarah