WW

Yep, I finally did it. I became a member of the Weight Watchers online community. I put it off long enough, made enough excuses. I thought about LA Weight Loss a few years ago, before they went out of business but decided it was too much money and I could do it on my own. This was before children, when I was in between jobs. I had time to work out.

My sister in law, who is a dietician, told me she supported WW. Therefore, with her approval and the scale stuck at a number I despise, I joined.

I'm fat. I know it. Life is much more complicated with two kids and my stress level is higher. Logging my food the last day and a half has shown me already how bad the choices I sometimes make are. A 3 musketeers bar is a lot of points. And a blizzard from DQ, wow, that was my entire daily allowance.

I never fully recovered from being diagnosed with celiac disease, now four years in July. I felt great not eating gluten, but my body didn't know what to do with all those calories that hung around. I still act like I'm 18 and 23 and can make a batch of brownies and eat half the pan or make cookies and eat a half a dozen or more and not gain weight. I gained 30 pounds after my diagnosis. I went from the 130's to the 160's in less than 6 months. When I scheduled a follow-up with my DD doctor he laughed at me and told me I was eating too much ice cream. Well, I could eat ice cream. I could no longer have a lot of other foods and I clung to those I could. Eating GF and needing to do so overnight was a huge lifestyle change. I regret not pushing to see a dietician. I believe they could have saved me some of those 30 pounds of weight gain. My DD told me I shouldn't bother as they didn't know anything anyway. Huh.

I digress. So, that takes us to Jan 2007. I decide New Years Eve that I needed to have a baby NOW after hearing that most of our other friends (all of whom younger than me) were pregnant. Apparently I had baby fever for awhile, but I denied it. This is turning into a blog about Audrey.....back onto the weight story. So, somehow through multiple birth control mix-ups I get pregnant with Audrey, still carrying around that extra 30 pounds of celiac weight. Plus 30 more pounds of pregnancy poundage puts me at a number I never thought I'd see on the scale. It took me a year to lose that weight--most of it coming off AFTER I stopped pumping with her at 8 months. My body likes to hold onto its fat. November 2008. By December I'd gained back almost 10 of what I'd lost. Got pregnant, automatically gained 7. Lost the baby. Had a D&E, lost some--maybe 5 pounds. Gained 10 more mourning with M&M's and spending a week down with a spinal headache. (And I mean laying flat on the ground, couch or bed, down.) Get pregnant again, still 10 pounds less than I was when I got pregnant with Audrey. Somehow I end up gaining more with Allie putting me exactly where I was at the end with Audrey, plus 5. Uh. I lose 30 almost effortlessly after birth in that first 6 weeks of breast-feeding hell. Then it tapered off and I started gaining weight again. That brought me to not fitting into anything in my closet and finally joining WW.

Part of my problem: I never learned how to properly eat after being diagnosed. I picked up anything that said GF and ate it with no regard to it's fat or calorie content. After all, it was GF, so it wasn't going to hurt me. Hurt my intestines, no. Hurt my hips, yes. I didn't realize I had terrible eating habits before being diagnosed, because they never affected my weight. So, it really is a lifestyle change for me in more ways than one.

I eat when I'm tired, bored or stressed. I used to shop--spent too much money. I used to drink--now it puts me to sleep and makes me feel weird.

I dream of being skinny again. Now that I'm seeing those points disappear, I realize how much I was eating. No wonder I'm fat. Holy cow. In the first two days of WW I have breezed through my entire points for the week and my daily points. I think I'm sitting at -8 for the week and I've got five more days to go. Gonna have to do some working out in order to lose weight this week. In my defense, I joined on a whim, midweek and am fighting these points with what I had already in my pantry or fridge. All of which isn't that unhealthy, it's just high in points.

Such a long entry just to blog that I joined WW and have already run out of points!

Sarah