why I need a new throw pillow and I'm out of garlic

You know that mess about how mothers have eyes in the back of their heads? Well I don't. I can hear like a champ but my children make the most messes when my eyes are not on them. I can't tell what they're doing in the other room, and here are two stories to prove it.

The Red Permanent Marker

Yesterday Audrey wrote with a red sharpie on our white microfiber couch.  She claims she was making a birthday card for Uncle Drew. Instead of the table, she used the couch. In between unloading the dishwasher, and throwing on some make-up I vaguely remember Audrey pulling open the drawer next to the fridge that houses notepads and pens (as well as hair ties, calculators and whatever else had been on the counter when company was coming last). She gets in there all the time. I thought nothing of it. A few minutes later she proudly held up a piece of paper that I'd calculated the point values of take-out pizza on and said, "Look Mom!" In my head I remember wondering what marker she used for that  but that thought was trumped, as my thoughts often are.  Grandma arrives, I put on my shoes, grab my tea and I'm out the door. About 25 minutes later my buzzing smart phone indicates that Grandma is calling me. I answer, wondering who puked or whose head met the tile. She tells me nothing is wrong except that she found a red permanent marker and that Audrey had drawn all over the couch. Relieved, actually, that no one was hurt or sick I told her I'd deal with it when I got home.

 It was a little terrifying, our white couch now saturated with red permanent markings. And when I finally saw it, Grandma had scrubbed and blotted for 30 minutes, it had been worse! I grabbed the magical rag.  Another 30 minutes later and some carpet cleaner (all natural carpet cleaner, at that) most of it came out and the rest  faded to a dull orange. A nice decorative pillow is in order. Time to go shopping.

Missing garlic

Not to be outdone after Audrey drew on the couch, Allie confiscated 4 heads of garlic from under my nose and proceeded to push them down the furnace register by our front door. How did she do that? She didn't work alone. She can't get the cover off by herself. By the time I heard the clanging of the register hit the tile, it was too late. But when I heard it, I had no idea they had stuffed anything down inside. I just thought they were taking it out and putting it back in, which they Audrey had gotten in trouble for earlier that day. When Jeremy came home he found the furnace vent out on the tile and a ziplock bag in the vent. I was and had been in the kitchen making supper.  He asked if I knew they peeled an onion. I sighed and said no. I walked down the hall and saw the fruits of my daughters mischievous work. "That's not onion I tell him, that's garlic." I went back to the kitchen and pull open the drawer where I keep the garlic. (The garlic I just bought the day before). It wasn't there, but the measuring cups I saw Allie take out earlier were. Odd. It didn't take us too long to figure out the four garlic bulbs I was missing were in the vent. Upon investigation Jeremy was able to reach two of them fairly easily. The other two he couldn't even see. He tried several contraptions before declaring success on the missing garlic. All in all he used:  a shop vac, duct tape, a hose, a make-up mirror, a smart phone, a flashlight, and part of a pepsi bottle. At one point I asked, "What would happen if we just left them in there?" He looked at me offended that I would even bring up an option. As he was working on that, I dropped a marble in the garbage disposal.  I don't touch garbage disposals. Gross. (I know it's just stainless steel, but it freaks me out to stick my hand down in it) What would I do without my handyman? My house would smell like garlic and my garbage disposal would clatter horrendously.






Sarah