Auds & Allie: dance like Everyone is watching

Audrey's first dance recital was today, and she did AWESOME! I was so proud. My little pre-ballet Kookabura got on stage without me, did the entire dance and exited as practiced, a cute skip while waving goodbye. I'm biased but I think the received the loudest applause from the audience in Act I. But with 10 little three year olds in birdie costumes with colorful feathers on their heads, arms and as tu-tus attempting to do a dance together...

what's not to love?

I was the most proud of Audrey when the girl behind her ran ahead of her when entering the stage and stood on Audrey's spot. Audrey realized this and tried to squeeze her way back on that yellow line. But when that didn't work, she simply took the other girls spot at the end and didn't miss a beat of the dance. So proud of my little performer. (And so happy that she didn't run off the stage, stand there and cry or push the other girl over trying to reclaim her spot.)

I can't say I wasn't nervous. Audrey, by nature, is a little shy. I had been keeping my fingers crossed for weeks that she'd do the dance come time. When the dance was over, I was the mom in the balcony, beaming, as I clapped with pride and breathed a sigh of relief.

The day didn't go smoothly. It was rainy. A dreary, cold day that followed three days of absolute sunshine and 80 degree temperatures. Ick. We had to split up and take two cars get to swim lessons, a birthday party and to dance at the designated times. Putting mascara and eye shadow (I gave up on eyeliner), lip liner and lipstick on my three year old proved much harder than I anticipated. Her hair wasn't cooperating. Naturally. My bun the night before for rehearsal was darn near perfection. My little dancer didn't follow instructions from me, and in fact, she did the opposite of what I asked almost all day. This made us run behind schedule. And it stressed me out. She was supposed to be there at 12:30. And it takes 20 minutes. At 12:25 as I'm scanning everything we needed that day in my head: clothes for birthday party, make-up, hair spray, tickets, ballet shoes.....BALLET SHOES! We left at 12:15 for the entire day, not to return home until 6 p.m. In our rush to get out the door I'd forgotten to grab her backpack with all her feathers and ballet shoes. Almost her entire costume! At this point I'm a little frantic.

I quickly turn around the car and head back home. I make a panic stricken call to Jeremy. He calls back once we're almost home and meets us down the road. I don't even come to a complete stop as he throws her backpack in the passenger side window. And we're off again.

I felt like a high school freshman all over again. A new activity, a new facility, a new production that I'd not been in or watched before...everything about this recital week was new. This studio runs a tight ship, so when we were late, I had no idea if that meant we'd still have a few minutes to spare or if she'd just miss the rehearsal all together. Feeling like you possibly let your child down is the worst feeling ever.

Driving down the road I'm praying that God would stop time or deter all police officers out of my path.

The closest parking lot is nearly full but we find the last open spot. We run, in the rain, across the street to the stage door, hoping and praying she didn't miss her run through.

We see a few other birdies in the dressing room. We'd made it. A little sign of relief. Thank God.

15-20 minutes later it was her turn. Since no parents were allowed in the auditorium or backstage to watch one mom found a window in the back of the auditorium that we secretly peeked through. I nearly cried as I saw her enter the stage in her green sequined leotard and adorning feathers, flapping her "wings" and performing her Kookabura dance. She looked adorable. That was good enough for me. If she didn't dance that night, at least I'd seen the dance, on the stage, in full costume with music.

In between the run through and recital, we attended a friends army themed birthday party. Off with the sequined leotard, on with the camo skirt!

By 3:00 p.m. my little dancer was tired, and I knew this. Her behavior worsened as we tried to get her dressed again and hair and make-up touched up. Then, as we were running short of time, AGAIN, that day, she rubbed her eyes and the freshly applied mascara smeared everywhere. At this point, stressed doesn't even begin to describe my state. I wasn't stressed about the recital or getting her there on time, I was stressed at her behavior that day, namely towards me. She's started this, "I want Daddy, I want Daddy" phase recently. Oil and vinegar yes, we are.

We were several minutes late to meet both sets of grandparents in the lobby, but alas, we made it there, make-up re-done now for the third time that day and all. Because I underestimated the need to get tickets so far in advance (I'm new to this dance thing remember), our tickets weren't all together. Audrey and I sat together and then grandparents and Jeremy and Allie sat a section over and a row apart from each other. All in the balcony, which, if given the opportunity, I will sit again.

Audrey and I exited a few numbers before her dance to get her backstage in time and leave her with the mom assigned to escort our group to and from the stage. Hardest part of my day, I think, (although that mascara is a very close second) The first time ever I've left my daughter under those circumstances. When I'd made it back up to my seat and sat down my nervousness set in. It's true that mothers get butterflies in their stomachs too. I sat there on the edge of my seat, nervous that she wouldn't go out on stage, or she'd be in the wrong spot, or she'd have to pee, or her bun would fall out....anything that a mother could worry about, I did. And then I said a quick prayer. And shortly, all was well.

Jeremy brought her a dozen roses afterward but she wouldn't hold them. Again, a new thing I don't think she quite understood. We weren't in the car 5 minutes when I looked back and she was sound asleep. We had dinner at home from our favorite Italian restaurant with the grandparents and chocolate cake, Audrey's request, for dessert.

I feel less like a newbie dance mom now. Audrey loves dance so I suspect this was only the first of (hopefully) many recitals. A few more years of recitals and prom is going to be a breeze!